Sunday, December 20, 2009
Saturday, December 19, 2009
A successful man
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
Why women are better at financial planning
Bob was a single guy living at home with his father and working in the family business. When he found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father died, he decided he needed a wife with which to share his fortune.
One evening at an investment meeting he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Her natural beauty took his breath away. 'I may look like just an ordinary man,' he said to her, 'but in just a few years, my father will die, and I'll inherit $65 million.'
Impressed, the woman obtained his business card and three days later, she became his stepmother.
One evening at an investment meeting he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Her natural beauty took his breath away. 'I may look like just an ordinary man,' he said to her, 'but in just a few years, my father will die, and I'll inherit $65 million.'
Impressed, the woman obtained his business card and three days later, she became his stepmother.
Q: How many conservative economists does it take to change a light bulb?
A1: None. The darkness will cause the light bulb to change by itself.
A2: None. If it really needed changing, market forces would have caused it to happen.
A3: None. If the government would just leave it alone, it would screw itself in.
A4. None. "There is no need to change the light bulb. All the conditions for illumination are in place.
A5. None, because, look! It's getting brighter! It's definitely getting brighter !!!
A6. None; they're all waiting for the unseen hand of the market to correct the lighting disequilibrium.
A1: None. The darkness will cause the light bulb to change by itself.
A2: None. If it really needed changing, market forces would have caused it to happen.
A3: None. If the government would just leave it alone, it would screw itself in.
A4. None. "There is no need to change the light bulb. All the conditions for illumination are in place.
A5. None, because, look! It's getting brighter! It's definitely getting brighter !!!
A6. None; they're all waiting for the unseen hand of the market to correct the lighting disequilibrium.
Elderly joke
Two elderly couples were enjoying friendly conversation when one of the men asked the other, "Fred, how was the memory clinic you went to last month?"
"Outstanding," Fred replied. "They taught us all the latest psychological techniques; visualization, association... it made a huge difference for me."
"That's great! What was the name of the clinic?"
Fred went blank He thought and thought, but couldn't remember.
Then a smile broke across his face and he asked, "What do you call that flower with the long stem and thorns?"
"You mean a rose?"
"Yes, that's it!" He turned to his wife. . ."Rose, what was the name of that clinic?"
"Outstanding," Fred replied. "They taught us all the latest psychological techniques; visualization, association... it made a huge difference for me."
"That's great! What was the name of the clinic?"
Fred went blank He thought and thought, but couldn't remember.
Then a smile broke across his face and he asked, "What do you call that flower with the long stem and thorns?"
"You mean a rose?"
"Yes, that's it!" He turned to his wife. . ."Rose, what was the name of that clinic?"
Friday, December 18, 2009
AAADD KNOW THE SYMPTOMS
Thank goodness there's a name for this disorder. Somehow I feel better even though I have it!!
Recently, I was diagnosed with A.A.A.D.D. - Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder.
This is how it manifests:
I decide to review my retirement plan. As I walk to my desk I glance out of the window and realize the garden needs watering immediately so I head outside. As I pull the garden hose across the driveway, I look over at my car and decide it needs washing. As I start toward the garage, I notice mail on the porch bench that I brought up from the mail box earlier. I decide to go through the mail before I wash the car. I lay my car keys on the bench, put the junk mail in the garbage can under the bench, and notice that the can is full. So, I decide to put the bills back on the bench and take out the garbage first. But then I think, since I'm going to be near the mailbox when I take out the garbage anyway, I may as well pay the bills first. I take my checkbook off the bench, and see that there is only one check left. My extra checks are in my desk in the study, so I go inside the house to my desk where I find the can of Pepsi I'd been drinking. I'm going to look for my checks, but first I need to push the Pepsi aside so that I don't accidentally knock it over. The Pepsi is getting warm, and I decide to put it in the refrigerator to keep it cold. As I head toward the kitchen with the Pepsi, a vase of flowers on the counter catches my eye-- they need water. I put the Pepsi on the counter and discover my reading glasses that I've been searching for all morning. I decide I better put them back on my desk, but first I'm going to water the flowers. I set the glasses back down on the counter, fill a container with water and suddenly spot the TV remote. Someone left it on the kitchen table. I realize that tonight when we go to watch TV, I'll be looking for the remote, but I won't remember that it's on the kitchen table, so I decide to put it back in the den where it belongs, but first I'll water the flowers. I pour some water in the flowers, but most of it spills on the floor. So, I set the remote back on the table, get some towels and wipe up the spill. Then, I head down the hall trying to remember what I was planning to do.
At the end of the day: the car isn't washed, the bills aren't paid, there is a warm can of Pepsi sitting on the counter, the flowers don't have enough water, there is still only 1 check in my check book, I can't find the remote, I can't find my glasses, I don't remember what I did with the car keys, and I didn't even look at my retirement plan.
Then, when I try to figure out why nothing got done today, I'm really baffled because I know I was busy all day, and I'm really tired.
I realize this is a serious problem, and I'll try to get some help for it, but first I'll check my e-mail or tweet on Twitter first....
Do me a favor..share this message to everyone you know, because I don't remember who the heck I've shared it with.
Don't laugh -- if this isn't you yet, your day is coming!!
Recently, I was diagnosed with A.A.A.D.D. - Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder.
This is how it manifests:
I decide to review my retirement plan. As I walk to my desk I glance out of the window and realize the garden needs watering immediately so I head outside. As I pull the garden hose across the driveway, I look over at my car and decide it needs washing. As I start toward the garage, I notice mail on the porch bench that I brought up from the mail box earlier. I decide to go through the mail before I wash the car. I lay my car keys on the bench, put the junk mail in the garbage can under the bench, and notice that the can is full. So, I decide to put the bills back on the bench and take out the garbage first. But then I think, since I'm going to be near the mailbox when I take out the garbage anyway, I may as well pay the bills first. I take my checkbook off the bench, and see that there is only one check left. My extra checks are in my desk in the study, so I go inside the house to my desk where I find the can of Pepsi I'd been drinking. I'm going to look for my checks, but first I need to push the Pepsi aside so that I don't accidentally knock it over. The Pepsi is getting warm, and I decide to put it in the refrigerator to keep it cold. As I head toward the kitchen with the Pepsi, a vase of flowers on the counter catches my eye-- they need water. I put the Pepsi on the counter and discover my reading glasses that I've been searching for all morning. I decide I better put them back on my desk, but first I'm going to water the flowers. I set the glasses back down on the counter, fill a container with water and suddenly spot the TV remote. Someone left it on the kitchen table. I realize that tonight when we go to watch TV, I'll be looking for the remote, but I won't remember that it's on the kitchen table, so I decide to put it back in the den where it belongs, but first I'll water the flowers. I pour some water in the flowers, but most of it spills on the floor. So, I set the remote back on the table, get some towels and wipe up the spill. Then, I head down the hall trying to remember what I was planning to do.
At the end of the day: the car isn't washed, the bills aren't paid, there is a warm can of Pepsi sitting on the counter, the flowers don't have enough water, there is still only 1 check in my check book, I can't find the remote, I can't find my glasses, I don't remember what I did with the car keys, and I didn't even look at my retirement plan.
Then, when I try to figure out why nothing got done today, I'm really baffled because I know I was busy all day, and I'm really tired.
I realize this is a serious problem, and I'll try to get some help for it, but first I'll check my e-mail or tweet on Twitter first....
Do me a favor..share this message to everyone you know, because I don't remember who the heck I've shared it with.
Don't laugh -- if this isn't you yet, your day is coming!!
Uploaded a YouTube video -- Retirein10years.com for retirement planning adjustments http://bit.ly/5398Dr
Just created Google group. You are welcome to visit and even join if you are interested. http://groups.google.com/group/retire-in-10-years
Reading: "http://www.retirein10years.com/ebooks/how-to-prosper-in-a-recession.pdf"( http://twitthis.com/8wzt8g )
Reading "How to Retire in 10 Years". A great resource for anyone concerned about retirement. http://bit.ly/7vgas6
78.2 million Baby Boomers. Major fear is outliving their income. 20+% reduction in retirement accounts. Crisis? http://bit.ly/81K5Nk
Need more followers? Now? Try this great little Twitter companion http://www.twitterhawk.com/?ref=suzeortoman
For a limited time, you can resell this with full resale rights. Free offer for Twitters. http://bit.ly/617cqT
Updated page on group http://bit.ly/6F0HgU Stop by when you have a couple of minutes and get free information on how to retire in 10 years.
Reading "Rescue for the Retirement Weary". Great information for anyone wanting to make more money. http://bit.ly/8kqrcO
Twitter Tweets
Get 10 credits for free in the next 30 minutes http://bit.ly/8fHbyP for those who want more followers now.
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